Self Care for the Believer
Photo Cred: Morgan Sessions Photography
What if I asked you the question, “Do you take care of yourself?” I imagine that most of you are thinking, “Well sure, I’m alive aren’t I?”
Okay, well…what if I asked you a more specific question, such as: “How do you take care of yourself?”
Yeah, that’s what I thought. If you’re finding that question is a little harder to answer, then the rest of this is probably for you.
Now buckle up, because this won’t be the run-of-the-mill conversation about taking naps and going on vacation. Instead, I’d like to challenge your perspective a little bit in the hope that you find what it truly looks like to care for self so you can operate fully in the strength that God has called you into. (But also, I am definitely into naps and vacations too...so there's that.)
I’ve found that when I talk about “self care”, people usually have a couple different responses. In fact, just this week I posted a few questions on Instagram to see what others thought about self care and the feedback was enlightening:
When asked, “What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the words self care and do you have any negative connotations when hearing about self care?” I received numerous messages that said things like,
“It sometimes seems shallow and cliche to me…”
“I’ve been made to think self care is selfish and stops you from serving others…”
“Our society has turned self care into meaning you can just do whatever you want, no matter what…”
“I associate self care with wasted time and being unproductive…”
“Needing self care must mean I am depressed or anxious…”
“Watching others display their self care practices sometimes makes me jealous because it either seems extravagant or unattainable for me…”
Heavy, right? And maybe you’ve found yourself thinking those same things.
It’s interesting to me that so many people have negative perceptions of what self care is…but I wonder if maybe it’s not actually that self care is negative, but rather the issue lies with the way the World tells us self care is supposed to look? And I wonder if we deconstruct self care and look at it through the eyes of the Creator, if we might actually gain some new, healthy perspective?
Definition of Self Care
A quick Google search revealed lots of varying definitions, the most common of which described self care as,
“any human regulatory function which is under individual control, deliberate and self-initiated, for the purpose of the maintenance of health and wellbeing.”
Which is probably true, but feels kind of generic in my opinion. So, I went looking for the definition of self care for the Believer, and this is what I ultimately gathered:
“Self-care is what we do after we have taken assessment of what our needs are and then work to take care of that need. It is defined as anything that is done deliberately to focus our efforts on caring for our health mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Self-care is the basis for improving our mood and reducing anxiety. It’s about knowing how to take care of our needs so that ultimately, we can honor God and take care of others. It means giving ourselves the same grace, compassion and care that we give to others and honoring the Temple that the Lord gifted us with. The very same temple that houses the Holy Spirit in us.”
Better, right? Go ahead and read that again so you can really digest it. I’ll wait.
The Ground Rules
Now, there are two phrases I’d like to pull out of that definition that I think are key rules to self care.
Rule #1: “Take assessment”.
“Self care is what we do after we have taken assessment of what our needs are…”
How can we know what kind of care we need without first doing an inventory of our current status? What does that look like to “take assessment” of our needs today in the context of our physical, spiritual or mental health?
For me, that really just looks like checking in with myself to ask some big questions:
How am I doing physically? Am I tired? Am I dealing with health issues that are largely going unchecked?
What about emotionally? Am I feeling overwhelmed, stressed, feeling anxious or depressed? How have my emotions been towards those around me? What are the thoughts or emotions I’ve been having towards myself?
And, what’s my assessment of my spiritual health? Are the things in my life moving me toward the calling God has more? Am I operating in the dream He has set in my heart? Am I invested in community?
These types of questions will help you take inventory of your life so you can see the areas that need the most immediate attention and tending to.
Rule #2 : “Deliberate action.”
“Self care is defined as anything that is done deliberately to focus our efforts on caring for our health mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.”
The word deliberate literally means, “consciously and intentionally; on purpose.” Or “in a careful and unhurried way.”
When counseling my midwifery clients, I’m pretty strict about this last point because the occasional rebuttal to my suggestion for self care is something to the effects of “well, my husband and I went to dinner last week so I guess that counts” or “I went shopping alone yesterday, so I can call that self care time.”
Well, according to the rules, self care should be deliberate.
Yes, dinner out with your husband can be considered self care. Yes, a solo shopping trip can contribute to self care - but only if it was deliberately and intentionally set aside to be self care. And I know it seems like semantics, but there is something that happens in our brains when we make deliberate moves and create intentional space for care. It not only helps us to prioritize, it even allows us to subconsciously remind ourselves that “I am important and I am valuable.”
Now while those are just the two main ground rules for self care, I’ve found that each individual person may need to set some additional rules and boundaries to make self care a legitimate refueling practice in their lives. For me, those additional rules sometimes look like:
Setting boundaries on who I allow into my self care space.
If I get a phone call, request for a favor, etc I try to be careful to exercise saying “No” very clearly. (Better yet, if you can, silence your phone!) But saying “no” can be tricky, because I have the sometimes-not-so-great habit of saying “YES!” to everything and everyone.
But at the end of the day if I am over extending myself by saying “yes” too often - I may not actually be honoring the call God has placed on my life. And Im not honoring those places that I want to be saying yes to because I cant show up at my best! Ive already burned myself out and my capacity is shot. Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.
Setting limits on what I can/cannot do during self care time.
I also try to intentionally choose activities that force me to move in a “careful and unhurried manner”. For example, not allowing myself to check work emails or do that long standing project for the office I’ve been meaning to get to. Self Care is a time for me to catch up with myself and with Jesus...not with “work Ashley”. It’s a time to only do the things that fuel me. Sometimes that looks like setting a timer for two hours and curling up in a hammock with a book, or finding a new coffee shop and journaling for a while, going to explore a new park, and even just laying down on the floor for ten minutes of silence! Self care does not have to be expensive in time or money, but it does have to be intentional.
Three Areas of Self Care That Believers Should Be Engaging In
So now that we’ve laid a little foundation on the definition of self care and covered a few of the ground rules, let’s talk about a couple of areas that Believers should be intentionally engaging in self care.
Mental & Emotional Self Care
It is no secret in our world today that there is a mental health crisis. So many of us suffer from anxiety and depression, others struggle with fear and self doubt. We walk around carrying the weight of our world on our shoulders. Whether that be healing from traumas in our past, negative self talk, stress from our current world or even in our own homes!
This last year during COVID is when I finally decided to address the full weight of my anxiety and depression. My days became consumed with struggle, and I found myself yet again lying curled up on the couch vibrating with anxiety. I reached out to a friend who gently reminded me that this was not what God had in mind for me and that maybe it was time to reach out and get more help. So I did. I started taking inventory of where I was suffering, setting boundaries in areas I needed to, focused on some hard work in counseling and talked to my doctor to hear all my options. Since then - life looks completely different. Yes, I still occasionally struggle with an anxious or depressive episode - but those are so much more manageable because I was intentional and deliberate about taking care of this area in my life.
The truth is, anxiety and depression are liars. And everything you’re feeling is valid. It can be both! Which means that we don’t deny our emotions or our struggles - those emotions are REAL things you are feeling in your body. But while our emotions may be valid, that doesn’t mean they are always true. And that is the crux of how I’ve cared for myself while battling anxiety and depression. I honor the things I’m feeling, and then speak truth to the things that I need to. (And I’m careful to pull my community into that space too.)
Speaking truth over ourselves rewires those negative neural pathways in our brains and creates healthier, positive neural pathways. It's almost as if God designed it that way on purpose...as if there's some science behind the scripture that tells us to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind”
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
When we implement Truth into our thought life, we physically and spiritually rewire + renew our minds.
“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8 NLT
“For to set the mind on flesh is death, but to set the mind on spirit is life and peace.” Romans 8:6
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22
“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” Proverbs 14:30
Scripture is littered with instruction and counsel about truth and emotions and what good/healthy emotion does for our lives and the negative effects that unhealthy thoughts and emotions can have in our lives.
But that doesn’t mean that we can just *snap* our fingers and say “Well, today I am cheerful.” or “Good morning, today I am not depressed.” It actually takes work! Sometimes that work looks like lots of self talk, therapy, tears, prayer, sometimes medications and supplements…it’s something you have to intentionally invest in!
Physical Self Care
In general we understand that physical self care means diet, exercise and rest. The lives we lead, however, often value just the opposite.
For myself physically I let a myriad of health issues stay unchecked because somewhere along the way I believed this lie that it wasn’t worth addressing or maybe it was that I wasn’t worth the effort. Feeling physically tapped out was kind of on brand for me.
And yet, as luck would have it during 2020, I spent so much time alone that it got harder to ignore how unwell I was. In fact, in 2020 I was officially diagnosed with a metabolic disorder called PCOS, which unfortunately creates a cascade of complications - from struggles with weight, infertility, greater risk of cancer and heart disease and so much more. The whole storyline looked pretty bleak, and I knew I was finally ready for a change. But it didn’t happen overnight! I started small by rallying with some of my cheerleading friends to encourage me in small lifestyle changes that were focused on healing my body.
And after I started treating my body better, I got a little stronger and slowly found the motivation to begin addressing all the other aspects of my health that I had long since neglected.
I carved out time to make learning more about where my body was struggling and things that would help me begin to heal a priority.
Because the Truth was, how did I expect to go the distance in everything God was calling me to do if I was treating this house he had gifted me with so poorly?
1 corinthians 6:19-20 says “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the holy spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were purchased at a price. Therefore Honor God with your bodies.
If the Lord showed up before you today and handed you this intricately wrapped gift, a gift that He had worked on, weaved together, sanded down and chosen just for you - wouldn’t it be your most prized possession? Why then do we treat ourselves any differently? If we believe the Word when it says that “He knit us together” and if we believe that He carefully formed us after His own image - why then would we not place a higher value on ourselves as Daughters of the Creator of the Universe?
Physical self care is an important piece of the puzzle for Believers.
Spiritual Self Care
Yes, I bet you all saw that one coming but just hang with me for a second.
The cornerstone to any spiritual self care plan is simply getting to know The One who knows you best. It’s being focused on things that grow our faith.
Yes, addressing our physical and mental needs are deeply important - but if we’re spiritually unwell - that lack will begin to affect every other area of our lives.
Do you know, intimately, The One who crafted you and knows the number of hairs on your head? Are you involved in community with likeminded believers who will support and encourage you? Are you invested in studying God’s Word so that you can hide it away in your heart?
2 Peter 1:5-8 says For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
That verse, to me, sounds like we’re putting some work into it!
Real Talk
I realize that for some, this whole topic of self care can feel really weighty. But remember, making these changes is like a marathon, not a sprint. It requires focusing on one healthy decision at a time.
I do think we should be careful with how we talk about + define “self care”. It is a hot button, popular word that is often overused and attached to things it shouldn’t. “Self Care” is not just about vacations and long spa days. (Although please go do those things too if you can!)
But I think that sometimes, the world’s view of self care leaves us feeling like we aren’t enough, we’re missing out and we’re unseen.
I don’t want to set the expectation of an “instagram filtered” version of self care. It’s not realistic, and as you may have discovered, sometimes self care can actually be quite a bit of work. When I’m talking about self care, I’m talking about something that goes a little deeper. A type of self care that truly addresses your heart and soul and mind and strength for the Kingdom.
Sometimes, self care is:
A fun vacation.
A dinner date.
Or a long overdue massage.
But it’s also booking the doctors appointment you’ve put off for too long.It’s going to therapy to find some heart healing.
It’s sitting with your friend at coffee and being brave enough to show her your cards.
It’s changing the tape in your head that repeats the lies you’ve been told about yourself, and instead replaces it with Truth.
It’s taking a hard look at where you should be saying “no”, and then looking ahead at all the worthy places you get to say “yes”.
Every time you engage in Self Care it should be bringing you back into healthy community, bringing you back to the assignment you’ve been called to, or bringing you back to the feet of Jesus. Every single time.
Because if I know anything about how my Father works it’s this:
He has crafted you beautifully and intentionally. You are not without purpose and you deserve to be the healthiest and strongest version of you!
I wonder what would happen if we started loving ourselves? If we placed priority on taking care of ourselves well?
What I think would happen is that we would have a generation of women who walked as if they were valuable. Women that lived with the courage and strength to step into everything God was calling them to do.
And that, my friends, is self care for the Believer.
Catch the video version of this discussion on Self Care (and more fun tidbits!) by clicking the video to the left, or over on Facebook by clicking here!
Shoreline’s Sisterhood ministry is a movement of everyday girls, connected heart and soul, who are passionate about bringing Heaven to earth.
Learn more at: https://www.shoreline.net/
And if you head on over to my Home page and subscribe to the email list for updates, over the next two weeks I’ll be sending out free downloadable prints that you can use to remind yourself to engage in good, healthy self care!
